Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
