i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
