i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
