The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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