You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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