WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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