Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
