i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
