hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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