But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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