bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We had to coat check the pizza.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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