She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
