A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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