My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
