I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
