Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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