If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
