I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
