dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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