Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
