This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
