You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
