So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
