I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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