getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
