Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
