Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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