Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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