hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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