You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I AM VODKA MAN
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
