ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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