Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
