He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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