$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
