my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
