True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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