he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
