Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
