I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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