Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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