im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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