After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i out mim tonsoeep
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
