I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Shame - the story of my life.
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