the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
