just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
