So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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