Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
