feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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