There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
