this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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