i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
