Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
