U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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