It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
