I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
